Katharina A. von Schlegel expresses it all too well...

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav’nly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hast’ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise

On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;

Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,

So shall He view thee with a well-pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine

Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Link

Pain...

...is something I am all too familiar with, as I am sure most people are. Though it be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual - we all experience pain; some more than others.

Here is a poem (if I can call it that) that I wrote the other day that ties in with all that has been going on.

Pain Remains

My questions go unanswered
My feelings go untamed
My nerves go un-ended
My reasons go unnamed.

Without looking for answers
without feeling the pain,
I would have never known
the meaning of saying your name.

Why do you see the good in me -
- even when I'm down?
why do you love me -
- though my knees hit the ground?

Sometimes I feel as though
I am looking through death eyes -
- no life, no light beaming from mine.

pain from the beginning
pain from the end
pain within me, trying to be my friend.

Pain comes without answers-
- destroying in a whim
pain desensitizes me -
- from love,
from life,
from hearing my God above.

Though the pain remains,
retrieves me & holds me back
God take my right hand
& says, "I'm stronger than that"

He steps beneath my shadows
begins to clear a spot
says he'll stay forever
planted like a rock.

Anchored through the darkness
swaying through the rain -
- this must be love...
...He who stays through the pain.



Lately, my family and I have been going through a Storm, more like a hurricane of pain, of sorrow, of hurt. Unexpected, unwanted, un-cherished things have taken pressitant on our hearts and minds; things that we must face in order to ever get through it, things that will not go away fast, but instead will linger with time, things that may cause problems in the future, things that challenge our faith in God, things that make us feel weak, and unable to smile.

I have been so hurt and so disappointed with what has happened that it makes it hard to see the good things too. Thankfully God is faithful, and has placed wonderful people in my life and my families life to encourage us through this tough time. It's hard though, I want to be happy all the time, but that is nearly impossible, and when I do actually feel happy, I begin to feel guilty about it, as if I'm selfish for feeling anything but pain. I am still trying to wrap my head around why I get tangled in those feelings; the guilty feelings of happiness - The only conclusion I can really come up with at this time, is that when I am happy, something in me just knows that someone else probably isn't happy, and I feel bad that I get to experience that joy, and they can't. Would that be a martyr mentality? I don't know.

"The Son of God suffered unto the death,
not that men might not suffer, but that their
sufferings might be like His."
-George MacDonald - Unspoken Sermons, First Series

Though all this is happening, good is their too, because and ONLY because God is real, God is good, and God is here.. with us, for us, and never leaving us. This hard time has been taking my heart deeper, challenging the unchallengeable things within me, reminding me of the need I have for my Savior. Reminding me that I don't always have the answers.

I love how C. S. Lewis puts it in his book, "The Problem of Pain"
"You asked for a loving God: you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoke, the 'lord of terrible aspect',is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artists love for his work and despotic as a man's love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father's love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes."

Now if only I could actually live this out and know it with out hesitation.. I guess that's where grace, mercy and all those needed fancy words come in.

On a journey- I know we will get through, I know God's love is real, and is their, and is bigger than we can even imagine. I just pray the best for both parties, the protection of his little ones, the strength for his carriers, & the wisdom for his "wise".