Know your God, and know yourself.

"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates

When reading this quote by Socrates the first thought that comes to mind is the scripture from Psalm 26:2 where David states, "Examine me, O LORD, and try me; Test my mind and my heart." The fact that David is asking God, the creator of the universe to examine his life makes it evident to me that as Christian's we need to also. I believe Socrates statement is saying, that, without examination of our lives we leave no room for growth, but instead we stay stagnant, giving up on what has been given to us, which is the gift of life.

This statement personally rings true to me because without examination of my own life I may have never come to know God and the saving power of Jesus Christ. Socrates was challenging his students to not accept the beliefs and traditions of that time without examining them first. Examination of oneself is the key to helping make the world a better place. Change, happiness, wholeness, creativity, life, liberty, justice, salvation, and freedom all begin with the individual. Without examination in a person’s life they could go on hurting themselves or others around them.

A person who lives an examined life is someone who looks at the past and learns from it in order to make the future a better place. They are able to grow spiritually and mentally, which can lead to an even greater effect on the lives of other people. Examining ones life can be for selfish gain, but as a Christian, examination is a way to allow God to change our hearts and minds in order that we may grow more in Christ and effectively minister Him to the world.

pause - reflect - examine

Stop trying to find yourself ;

and instead start being yourself.

Katharina A. von Schlegel expresses it all too well...

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav’nly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hast’ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise

On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;

Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,

So shall He view thee with a well-pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine

Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Link

Pain...

...is something I am all too familiar with, as I am sure most people are. Though it be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual - we all experience pain; some more than others.

Here is a poem (if I can call it that) that I wrote the other day that ties in with all that has been going on.

Pain Remains

My questions go unanswered
My feelings go untamed
My nerves go un-ended
My reasons go unnamed.

Without looking for answers
without feeling the pain,
I would have never known
the meaning of saying your name.

Why do you see the good in me -
- even when I'm down?
why do you love me -
- though my knees hit the ground?

Sometimes I feel as though
I am looking through death eyes -
- no life, no light beaming from mine.

pain from the beginning
pain from the end
pain within me, trying to be my friend.

Pain comes without answers-
- destroying in a whim
pain desensitizes me -
- from love,
from life,
from hearing my God above.

Though the pain remains,
retrieves me & holds me back
God take my right hand
& says, "I'm stronger than that"

He steps beneath my shadows
begins to clear a spot
says he'll stay forever
planted like a rock.

Anchored through the darkness
swaying through the rain -
- this must be love...
...He who stays through the pain.



Lately, my family and I have been going through a Storm, more like a hurricane of pain, of sorrow, of hurt. Unexpected, unwanted, un-cherished things have taken pressitant on our hearts and minds; things that we must face in order to ever get through it, things that will not go away fast, but instead will linger with time, things that may cause problems in the future, things that challenge our faith in God, things that make us feel weak, and unable to smile.

I have been so hurt and so disappointed with what has happened that it makes it hard to see the good things too. Thankfully God is faithful, and has placed wonderful people in my life and my families life to encourage us through this tough time. It's hard though, I want to be happy all the time, but that is nearly impossible, and when I do actually feel happy, I begin to feel guilty about it, as if I'm selfish for feeling anything but pain. I am still trying to wrap my head around why I get tangled in those feelings; the guilty feelings of happiness - The only conclusion I can really come up with at this time, is that when I am happy, something in me just knows that someone else probably isn't happy, and I feel bad that I get to experience that joy, and they can't. Would that be a martyr mentality? I don't know.

"The Son of God suffered unto the death,
not that men might not suffer, but that their
sufferings might be like His."
-George MacDonald - Unspoken Sermons, First Series

Though all this is happening, good is their too, because and ONLY because God is real, God is good, and God is here.. with us, for us, and never leaving us. This hard time has been taking my heart deeper, challenging the unchallengeable things within me, reminding me of the need I have for my Savior. Reminding me that I don't always have the answers.

I love how C. S. Lewis puts it in his book, "The Problem of Pain"
"You asked for a loving God: you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoke, the 'lord of terrible aspect',is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artists love for his work and despotic as a man's love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father's love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes."

Now if only I could actually live this out and know it with out hesitation.. I guess that's where grace, mercy and all those needed fancy words come in.

On a journey- I know we will get through, I know God's love is real, and is their, and is bigger than we can even imagine. I just pray the best for both parties, the protection of his little ones, the strength for his carriers, & the wisdom for his "wise".

What Vision would I have if I knew I would succeed?

Here are the notes I took in convocation today - the notes are brief, but it is really what I needed to hear. I was up very late last night tossing and turning in bed dwelling on all that I am not, and all that I fail to do on a daily bases. I am frustrated at how behind I get in certain things. My goal is to try and work harder at not putting things off, because in the end I am only miserable, wishing I had tackled each thing as it came my way.

Notes: Speaker: Dr. Townes

What Vision would I have if I knew I would succeed?

Vision is not realistic without barriers.

Path - vision must lead u somewhere.

Flowers- Vision needs some enjoyable items

Birds-Vision should make your spirit sour

See a vision - own a vision - share a vision

Habakkuk 2:1-4 write the vision...

Must wait by faith.

Vision comes to the spiritually alert.

Vision gets stronger when u communicate with God.

The vision becomes the person.

Need eyes to see what God can do.

Write the vision. Write your dream.

U need patience & flexibility to realize your vision.

Tie your vision to your faith.

You will have a future commitment.

Vision gives purpose to your actions.

What's on your canvas?

Like this little bird - I am working on bowing my heart in surrender to God's vision for my life.

Please Lord, don't hold back your plan for me.

Your word of wisdom is what I need.

I need direction, please.

I want to be like Isaiah

I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: ’Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ Then I said, ’Here am I! Send me’ —Isaiah 6:8

- ...If we will allow the Holy Spirit to bring us face to face with God, we too will hear what Isaiah heard-"the voice of the Lord." In perfect freedom we too will say, "Here am I! Send me."

http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php

Conffessions of the soul - letting God be the adult

Convicting my heart today:
Jesus said to him 'Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip?’ —John 14:9

I was thinking about it today - and u know - I don't really believe that us humans grow any wiser with age- if anything, we grow more dumb, more selfish, more needy, more arrogant, more hateful, more angry, more lost, more broken, more shut out, more shut in, more walls.. and so on...
which leaves us needing God more everyday.

I'm not saying this as fact I'm just saying it as observation -
we strive to fulfil OUR needs, our wants, our wills, our ways. How many of us can truly say other people are on the front of our minds (other than our family) all day everyday. much like Jesus. much like his compassion, much like his love, much like his way.

God says to become like a Child in faith - there must be a reason for this- is it possible adults can't seem to get it? Can't seem to turn the right way? I think it's possible; becoming more dumb by the day. Little do we know this actually could be a good thing- a good thing for those who recognize their selfish sought out ways, because the more we realize our need for Him the more we find our way.

As an adult we know a child doesn't know much; doesn't know the ins and outs of life like we do, like what we've been through - but switch it around - make God the adult and us the child. Do we really see him all knowing? As someone who is older, someone who has gone before us, who's seen both sides. Someone who's been there, someone who has walked this land? Someone who's been God & man.

Lets let God be the adult and us just take him by the hand.

I personally find it more difficult the older I get to always be thinking about other peoples needs- maybe it's the season I am in - a student/pursing my dreams (least trying to), and wife preparing my home, a friend finding a good laugh.... is it all about me? I would hope not. My heart breaks for other things, but if I'm being real- I can honestly say, I would love to forget you, and only fix me, because frankly I feel lost if I don't know myself, where I'm going, & who I am.. I begin to feel like I can't help anyone until I help myself.

But then that's when I stop an remember - I'll never be whole, I'll never be complete while living on the earth- while breathing where I breath.

God.

God, that's where you come in
where you forgive
where you mend
where you give us new beginnings to our tragic ends.

Utterly & completely lost without you
no ounce of love apart from you
no wink of hope beyond you
no shadow of light away from you
You are the means to my end
You are the child like faith within.

You are.. the reason I live.

"There's too much beauty to quit". -Stay

2009

To know you & to be loved by you.

Please help me take care of this pain.

If it's not going to go away,

Help me understand it.

Help me to embrace this new beginning.

2009 -

the beginning to a beautiful end.