Convicting my heart today:
Jesus said to him 'Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip?’ —John 14:9
I was thinking about it today - and u know - I don't really believe that us humans grow any wiser with age- if anything, we grow more dumb, more selfish, more needy, more arrogant, more hateful, more angry, more lost, more broken, more shut out, more shut in, more walls.. and so on...
which leaves us needing God more everyday.
I'm not saying this as fact I'm just saying it as observation -
we strive to fulfil OUR needs, our wants, our wills, our ways. How many of us can truly say other people are on the front of our minds (other than our family) all day everyday. much like Jesus. much like his compassion, much like his love, much like his way.
God says to become like a Child in faith - there must be a reason for this- is it possible adults can't seem to get it? Can't seem to turn the right way? I think it's possible; becoming more dumb by the day. Little do we know this actually could be a good thing- a good thing for those who recognize their selfish sought out ways, because the more we realize our need for Him the more we find our way.
As an adult we know a child doesn't know much; doesn't know the ins and outs of life like we do, like what we've been through - but switch it around - make God the adult and us the child. Do we really see him all knowing? As someone who is older, someone who has gone before us, who's seen both sides. Someone who's been there, someone who has walked this land? Someone who's been God & man.
Lets let God be the adult and us just take him by the hand.
I personally find it more difficult the older I get to always be thinking about other peoples needs- maybe it's the season I am in - a student/pursing my dreams (least trying to), and wife preparing my home, a friend finding a good laugh.... is it all about me? I would hope not. My heart breaks for other things, but if I'm being real- I can honestly say, I would love to forget you, and only fix me, because frankly I feel lost if I don't know myself, where I'm going, & who I am.. I begin to feel like I can't help anyone until I help myself.
But then that's when I stop an remember - I'll never be whole, I'll never be complete while living on the earth- while breathing where I breath.
God.
God, that's where you come in
where you forgive
where you mend
where you give us new beginnings to our tragic ends.
Utterly & completely lost without you
no ounce of love apart from you
no wink of hope beyond you
no shadow of light away from you
You are the means to my end
You are the child like faith within.
You are.. the reason I live.
"There's too much beauty to quit". -Stay
